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Hello! [24 Aug 2009|12:04pm]
All I want is to not work at chili's anymore. I'm becomming one of "those" people. Hello out there!!! I need a teaching job, cute and simple. Please God!

ok that is all. Also, my mini dream is to be cast as a Vh1 reality tv star. That'll be backup. "Jessica NEEDS a Millionaire!" cash $$$
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sad,sad, sad, all the time [09 Jun 2009|01:50am]
Hopefully I will write a book this month. If not a book, maybe a letter. If not a letter, then who the hell knows what I'll do? Pull me out of this funk please. It's cramping my style.

I just want to be happy again =/
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Random Acts of God [19 Oct 2008|10:43pm]
I'm almost positive this drem was a RAOG. (See subject) Usually I don't recall my dreams in great detail, but this one really spoke to me.

So in my dream I moved about an hour and a half away from orlando (where I live now) to place thats almost directly in between Orlando and Boynton. I was really excited and the place was great. I really wanted to show this person (let's call him CC)and he PROMISED me he would come. He told me he would leave his house in a few minutes and call me while he was on the road. In the meantime, I was nervous because I've been close with someone else for sometime now (we'll call him BM)and I knew by having CC come see my new house, I was being a sneaky snake. Well an hour goes by, no call from CC, 3 hours go by, no call from CC. No answer on his cell phone. Finally he calls. He's not coming. Almost instantly my doorbell rings and it's BM. He went out of his way to find my new address and look it up on mapquest. He had to see me.

I know I still have strong feelings for CC. He said he loved me, he said he'd wait for me. But he did nothing to show it. I did the only thing I could do at this point: move on. This dream proves to me that I think I've finally made the right choice. And believe me sistah, I've made some BAD choices!
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[14 Mar 2008|03:52pm]
Let me tell you a little story about my new friend.

I met him about two weeks ago, where he was stubbornly stationed down the hall in front of some girl's apartment door. I might go as far to say it was love at first sight. Even though the girls begged and pleaded with him to get away from their door, so they could go inside, he stood on his hind legs and hissed at them. I really admire this, here's a guy hanging out in front of some bitches door, not hurting anyone, and these girls and yelling at screaming at him, tryin to make him move. Honestly, I would hiss at them too. Anyway, eventually he accepted defeat (poor guy),went downstairs and left the girls alone.

I came home the other night and he was back, this time hanging out in the hallway (a little closer to my house). I said what's up, he nodded, it was a pretty casual encounter if you ask me.

Now this is where it gets fishy.
I had some people over my house the other night, we were pretty drunk and I think my new friend was jealous that he didnt get invited, so let me tell you what that little bastard did. He stationed himself outside of MY door, and hissed at ME when I came outside!

Needless to say we are longer friends, watch out coon.

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edit [06 Mar 2008|04:06pm]
fuck that, if you cant try, than neither can i
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[06 Mar 2008|02:20am]
[ mood | buzzed ]

i have a lot to say tonight, about a lot of things.

I've had this attitude thats been working really really well for me lately and I call it "autopilot." It's pretty self explanitory, I just kinda go through my days, saying things I'm supposed to say, smiling at all the right times, and it's honestly kinda cool. I have all these great ideas and schemes and plots, but I mostly keep them to myself (as of late i've been letting Alex in on some of them). Anywho, being on autopilot works most of the time but lately im finding its absolutely not enough.

I went out tonight and had a blast with my girls from work, cuties! my new thing is being sober/buzzed. it works and i think im a lot more fun (taking a note from the book of joe veno) my internship is going really well, i broke up a fight between 2 mothaf'in 4th graders cause one called the other a "burnt buiscuit" WTF!

sometimes (a lot of the time) i wish i could read minds. but doesnt everyone? i know its hard being so far away, but give me a chance. open up. look at things from my point of view. its hard to keep a relationship espically when theres 3 hours between us. I trust you with all my heart, i just have an incredibly hard time trusting other people. I think i've actually gotten a lot better with the whole letting stuff go thing. the only thing that matters to me is that ive got love in the right places, i wish/hope that you do too. and thats that people.

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[11 Jan 2008|10:29am]
[ mood | worried ]

Where did I loose my creativity? Well, the answer is simple, it's stealing time from day and giving it all to the night. Fuck a creative streak though, im just gonna cross these pretty little fingers that it all stays where i put it.
I think I'll be doing a lot of crossing my fingers this year. I decided that resolutions are cliche and never really work out, so im not considering this realistically a "new years resolution" rather an active attempt to better my life. I really need to let stuff go. My mistrust, my lack of adventures (lindsay where you at?), and my way of holding on to things so freaking tightly that I loose my dignity at the door. Dignity check people. I think I've misplaced mine, and it's time to find it. And on that note, I loved sweeny todd. yep!

oh and along with my active attempt to better my life, im going to shower regularly, which includes washing my hair everyother day! Omg wish me luck

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ACTUALLY.... [02 Nov 2007|12:19am]
On that note, hey LJ, can we just talk? lets just kick it and have some goodole conversation. you think i may not have much to talk about because i do is talk talk talk all damn day, but ive got 3 words for ya, let me live! and that goes for everything else in my life. get out of me. and so what if i only talk in phrases sometimes? maybe im not having a meaningful conversation with you because I dont fucking want to, thats my big ole brick wall i put up so I dont gotta chitchat about relevant issues. Yeah yeah yeah politics, election, robbery in sci dri, its all situational. on that note, it IS all situational. our little lives. im glad im alive, even though it may not feel like it sometimes cause im so lost in the mix of things. everynow and then i like to pop my head up from underneath and take a big deep breath. this is my life my friend. this is my life.
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its that time again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [02 Nov 2007|12:18am]

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[23 Sep 2007|07:20pm]
A thousand times a day I tell you I love the way you sing
Even though it makes me cry, it’s my favorite time to be alive
And all I know is I feel lost without you
“I miss you” is not enough

I know the story’s old; it’s been told a million times before
But to tell it feels so good
It reminds me that not all I do is right
And all I know is I feel so lost without you

my heart hurts today
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[02 Sep 2007|01:22am]
I feel pretty crappy. its not even that time of a month.
im not sure how this is going to work
im not sure how im going to survive this semster of school
why arent there more hours in a damn day?
and how come the things that used to matter the most dont seem to be as relevant?
it's been a long time since i've evaluated and revised
maybe its time
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hey ole guy [20 Jun 2007|01:01am]
so lately the most fun i have is that few minutes right after i get out of work, its the time between getting in the car and being at home. I think it has something to do with chain smoking, rocking out, and driving fast. other than that, everything is pretty dull.
you know me
i wanna go fast!
i also like seeing lindsey sometimes!
and cannon too

im in a funk
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its a known fact [04 May 2007|02:25am]
...that people want what they cant have.
but its nothing worth being a despy tiger over.
im glad i have everything =)
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[01 May 2007|12:32am]
sadness is contagious
im mad because im bored, and it didnt have to be this way. i could be
a) drunk
b) watching a movie with felicia or
c) drunk

but im not
and im here
and im bored still
and i think its time for my summer tradition of sex and the city marathons.
woo! maybe you want to watch zee sex and the city with me? jyes!
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New problem [02 Apr 2007|01:29am]
I can't sleep, and it's not due to the fact that I'm not tired. Everynight I'm having these crazy dreams that go on for what feels like HOURS, and they all have full plots, mostly include people I know, and they're all really stressful. For example last night, there was a pool party, but everyone was physically fighting and the whole time I was trying to protect myself from my friends who were beating eachother up (but having fun at the pool party at the same time) wierd. The other night I was at the airport going somewhere, and I was carpooling with Paige, but she was wasted and I had to help her, so i sat down my luggage, and another airline look at away. When I went to get it back they told me I had to board their flight and get it at baggage claim in Texas WTF. AND i ended up missing my plane. Point of the story is, I wake up completlely stressed out, tired from the chaotic night, and I need a nap. But guess what happens if I try to take a nap!?!?! ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
anyway, im going to try to sleep now, fuck.
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bad girls club [21 Mar 2007|12:12am]
[ mood | anxious ]

so The Bad Girls Club is easily the best show on tv. I usually only watch it when I can sit for extended amounts of time and watch the marathons, and no matter how many times I see that episode where Ripsi goes crazy bitch on those ho's asses it never gets old. never! I can't wait till next week, 2 new skank ho's to hate!
thats pretty much my only though of the day

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[11 Mar 2007|10:07pm]
[ mood | okay ]

hello lj! (and others)
this weekened was fun, went to LOC, but didnt
i made a friend in gainesville
drank too much beer and fell asleep
drove back to orlando at 8 in the AM then worked until basically right now
now i get to pack, drive to 561 tomorrow and see all my bitches! (sami, paige,...thats it?)
i like when noones home, i can smoke cigarettes in my room and watch tv in my underwear (i guess i do that anyway, but at least it doesnt bother anybody)
if cannon tells you he's quitting smoking, dont believe him and/or encourage/reinforce the idea that "smoking makes you cool"
if cannon tells you he doesnt have any pot, also don't believe him.
i still yuv him =)
and i yuv you =)

and you =)

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blah [08 Feb 2007|03:43pm]
im sad cause i wanna go to the 561 this weekend and take self defense with my mom! shes cool for signing me up with the hopes of my attendence. i would also like to go to tyler's funeral, but that's a whole other story...

AND one of my BFF's passed away today, anna nicole. todays too depressing for me to handle. im going to wallow in math land and hopefully get an a on my test! great success

until next time bitches...
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[30 Jan 2007|05:54pm]
[ mood | calm ]

I was telling felicia today how I used to get these life epiphanies every three months or so, and I was kind of upset that I havnt had one in a while. then i realized its because my last great epiphany is still holding true. it was something along the lines of:
Life is about finding self happiness, and then once you, find it for yourself, having someone to share that happiness with.
Then I thought about and i truely have found happiness within myself (it sounds gay, but i think its true) sure there are things that arent quite right, and there are things that i could defiantly improve on. I found something in college that i really want to do, and im doing well in that area (elementary education) and my parents are proud of me. I cant tell you the last time my parents were proud of me.
Along with all this, I have found someone to share this with. I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the whole world. He's the complete opposite of my past relationships. We care about eachother and we never fight. (Except when i kicked him out of the car, and im still really sorry about that =)
SO the point of this entry: im really happy with my life. Really really happy.

AND to add to everything, Alkaline trio's new compilation cd, Remains, came out today. you know i got it bitttches. cant wait to watch the DVD. YEAA BOY.

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matt never fails me... [08 Jan 2007|10:45pm]
You're walking the thin line
Between here and out of control
You kept me in mind
You got the paper cuts to prove it
Your sea sick smile
Screams sweet nausea
'76 was a good year for me
It's been uphill since then
Don't cry or stop to wonder why
We crashed out the thunder
On the floor down from the ceiling
It was nice waking up next to you
Then you crossed the line
Between here and out of this world
You blow my mind
Like a colt '45 every time
Don't cry or stop to wonder why
We crossed out our thunder
On the floor down from the ceiling
It's been nice waking up next to you
Don't cry or stop to wonder why
We crossed out our thunder
On the floor down from the ceiling
It's been nice waking up next to...
And our sea sick smiles
Screaming home sweet home.
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